House: Fifteen on All
by carmenrosee
Summary: House’s perspective on the people he’s met. Fifteen attributions, that is. R&R?
1. Wilson

House: Fifteen on all.

House's perspective on the people he's met. Fifteen attributions, that is. R&R? =)

**Wilson.**

1. Wilson is his best friend.  
And everyone knew it. He valued his friendship with him, he really did. When House met Wilson? A conference in Louisiana. House was annoyed at Wilson, Wilson found him funny, they shared the same table during lunch after the useless boring conference, and there's the story. Oh, and speaking of, it's going to be their 20th friendship anniversary in a few months, weee. Whatever would Wilson want? A new girl? Subway?

2. Wilson divorces a lot of women.  
And, everyone knew that as well. His favorite had to be wife #2, the freaky real estate agent one. Oh, good times.. the only similarities that he found between Wilson and Bonnie was that they both liked sandwiches. His first wife Renee was a ridiculous neat freak. Julie cheated on him because she thought her titties were too deserving for just one hot man, apparently.

3. Wilson likes sandwiches.  
Enough said. He couldn't comment on that. He insisted Subway all the time. Sandwich during lunch, during break, during conversations.. House wouldn't be surprised if he ate a sandwich during sex.

4. Wilson's first name is James.  
His second was Joseph. James Joseph Wilson… sounds so Jewish, no? He had to admit. The name was sexy, no matter if he was Muslim or Jewish or whatnot. And having a homeless brother that probably lives nearby the Brooklyn Bridge makes him seem less Jewish. Unless that certain brother picks up coins on the street..

5. Wilson heads the Oncology Department.  
Isn't it nice to know a fellow who heads their own department, too? They feel like such bosses. Like they owned some sort of Mafia, bossing people around. Difference is, Wilson mostly tells people that they're going to die in a few months or years. House has more fun, having a team at least to talk to and solving interesting cases. And it didn't hurt that he always hired at least one hot female. Maybe he could share Thirteen with Wilson a few times, poor guy is lonely.

6. Wilson's too nice, damn it.  
Wilson was too nice. Wilson lied to him, Wilson did this, and that, but it was to protect House or to protect who House was hurting. That annoyed House. He's a big boy. If he gets sick he can just take Motrin or Acetaminophen. When Wilson moved in with House he brought all the groceries… and aw, even buying House Animal Crackers for snacks when they watched Gossip Girl!

7. Wilson did love Amber.  
And it was more of a theory to him than a fact. People blame House for 'killing' Amber; he did not feel guilty. Even if he actually did kill Amber, he still wouldn't feel guilty. Why did people blame him? Why did he almost cry, watching Amber die next to Wilson's side? Why did no one see House when he was for once sympathetic?

8. Wilson watches Gossip Girl with House.  
Wilson didn't like The OC, Wilson didn't like The L Word. So he figured that with these hot New York City chicks, he'd like to watch. So he invited Wilson over one night to watch a TiVoed Gossip Girl pilot and guess who was hooked? Yup, Wilson. No, apparently, he didn't like the hot chicks. He liked that the show was about rich kids stuck in their own stupid drama. His favorite character was Dan. Whatthehell is wrong with Wilson? Surely he was lying and meant Nate, of course. Nate's hot.

9. Wilson likes talking to girls.  
And talking about what they like to do. Meaning nails, shoes, and bags. He even knows _Prada_, God bless the man. Maybe he wasn't flirting all the time, but hell it attracted girls. One example is with Cuddy, for example; she stains her skirt during lunch, and he offers to go get Tide-on-the-go for her. The nurses, talking about what happened to Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie and why Tom Cruise jumped on Oprah's couch. Jeez, Wilson can be _such_ a _girl_. Maybe that's why he married so much. Maybe that was why he gets divorced often, too. Maybe he got it on every night with a dying cancer patient for sympathy.

10. Wilson likes Teletubbies.  
He and House were fighting for a week because House couldn't accept that. House wanted Wilson to like Spongebob; Wilson says that the patients that he gets attached to are kids, and they like Teletubbies, therefore he likes Teletubbies more. House threw his sandwich at him and refused to talk to him for a week. The day they started talking again was until Cameron was flipping through the channels in the Doctor's lounge and left the channel on Nickelodeon, showing Spongebob; not caring as she was talking to her nurse friend Louisa. House and Wilson, who were across the room from each other, looked at each other. It was the episode when Sandy left Spongebob and Patrick in charge of Sandy's soon-to-be butterfly, one of House's favorites. When it ended, Wilson said 'That episode was good.' He looked at House, and they both stood up and hugged each other.  
They must've looked gay, because Chase, Foreman, and Kutner were looking at them like they were making out.  
Or maybe they were annoyed that they couldn't change the channel. But he could've sworn that they were laughing at one point.

11. Wilson hates riding House's motorcycle.  
Which puts him in House's retarded list. His motorcycle was cool, okay. Makes him feel younger. He doesn't like putting his arms around House when he rides with him, either._ "Come on, Willy, no one would think that we're sleeping together,"_ House would reassure him. Everyone likes his motorcycle. Wilson didn't. Another point on the 'homo' chart.

12. Wilson always wanted to go to Britain.  
He says that the british were, quote, "Elegant."  
House remembered staring at Wilson in disbelief. "We have hotter girls in this hospital combined to one hot girl in Britain."  
" The hospital's staff population is nothing compared to the population of New Jersey alone," said Wilson, taking the matter seriously.  
"Have you not seen Cuddy? Or Cameron and Thirteen?"  
"Yeah, well, I wasn't talking about girls, House. I was talking about the location itself. Britain has many historical landmarks that go back to.." blah, blah, House remembered thinking to himself. History, how boring.  
"What, they have elegant tea cups there? I'll order one from Amazon. Don't leave me, Wilson," House told him seriously.

13. Wilson was cute.  
That couldn't be denied. Girls like him because he's hot. House wishes he was as hot as Wilson, and yet, Wilson said that he wanted to be like House sometimes. Only whoever created him understood what that meant. Even Cuddy thinks he's cute.

14. Wilson likes little babies.  
Just like Cuddy. Why is he like Cuddy in so many ways yet so different at the same time? And why is he talking about Cuddy a lot? Wilson likes babies. Chase likes babies. Cameron likes babies. He didn't know if Kutner or Thirteen or Foreman liked babies, but Cuddy did. House liked _fetuses_. What was the deal with babies? They cry and they steal mommy's breasts all the time. Father's say that it annoys them sometimes. Makes them feel like crap.  
And yet, he knows that Wilson deserved to be a father. He would be a good one, and hopefully, he would conceive one before Wilson's sperm count decreases.

15. Wilson said that he wished he banged Nurse Brenda.  
It's true. Once, when House and the team had nothing to do near midnight they called in Wilson for a few drinks. Once House finished his own beer bottle he put it on the table and spun it, landing on Wilson first. House asked, 'Who in this hospital would you like to have banged so much before they got wrinkly or before they got married?' Wilson was drunk, and everyone else nearly was, and he said,' Nurse Brenda was hot.' House couldn't stop hitting his cane on Chase's lap nor stop his laughter. Oh boy, did Cameron look so out of place that night. Wilson said that he wanted to bang her, too.  
'I hate spin the bottle,' Cameron had muttered that night.


	2. Cuddy

**Note: **Thank you so much for the reviews! Please do review, I would like any kind of feedback from you guys. =)

**Cuddy**

**1. Cuddy is House's boss.**

House was happy when she got the job. He really did feel happy for her. What was he to be sad about? For once, a hot dean was taking over the hospital.  
_Cool Beans_, was his first thought.  
"You know, we never get deans that look like you. Most hospitals have ugly, crossed-eyed Chancellors that even scare me," House pointed out to Cuddy when he found her in the ER once he heard the news.  
Cuddy gave him a look. "Get used to me," she beamed.

**  
2. Cuddy likes babies.**

No, Cuddy is obsessed with babies. Babies here, Babies there. She'd risk a life to save a baby. She wanted a baby. She even let House inject _it_ into her. She was looking for sperm donors through the internet! Bloody Hell. Well, if the baby turns out to like porn for some reason, or masturbate at the age of 3, then House can't tell her 'I told you so.'

**3. Cuddy steals everyone's babies, too.**

No, taking newborns from the unit was unethical, so Cuddy would take babies that fellow staff members have 'made'. Or just hang out at the unit with whoever female doctor she could find to stay with her.  
'Look at what Doctor Johnson and his wife made! Isn't she beautiful? " Cuddy told House as he passed by the Post-Partum area unit one day with Thirteen, looking for his patients' twins.  
"Not that one…" House said, pointing at every baby.  
"How old is she?" Thirteen asked, oblivious to House's rants, cuddling instead the babies soft cheeks.  
"I'm pretty sure nearly two days. I just want to take her home," Cuddy softly said, caressing it's forehead.  
"Cuddy, stop stealing babies. Make your own." House told her, standing by what he found to be the patients' twin babies. "Over here," he beckoned to Thirteen, who immediately took her stethoscope out. She examined the heartbeat of the baby he was standing next to.  
"Why don't you like babies, House?" Cuddy demanded, watching Thirteen carefully. "But you like hookers?"  
"Wow, that's the stupidest question you've ever asked me, Cuddy. You get pleasure from hookers. Babies steal everything away from daddies. No one but you likes babies."  
"Thirteen likes babies."  
"Thirteen is weird." Thirteen looked like she wanted to pummel House's ass.  
"Thirteen and Chase work at NICU frequently, you know."  
"Then they're both weird."  
Cuddy didn't answer this time, too professed into the baby.  
"Just stop stealing babies," he stupidly said, as if he was telling a three year old to clean his toys.  
"Not until you tell me why you don't like babies."  
"Over dinner at Olive's Garden. Four thirty, Saturday."  
Cuddy looked impressed. "Not until you buy Thirteen her own lunch." Cuddy said, putting the baby back on its bed.  
House was confused, this time. "What? Why?"  
"Because, you make her pay lunch for you every time she's in front of the line. Coincidental, that _she's _always there when you buy lunch, don't you think?"  
House had no time to argue. Babies and Mommy to save. So he acted like a child and stomped his cane on the ground. "Fine, Mommy," he said childishly; but tell Cameron and Chase that I'm not paying them back. Thirteen here might tell them the righteous deed I have just done."

**4. Yeah, yeah... he and Cuddy did sleep together once.**

It was way before she became the Dean. Back when it was considered the Land before Time. And they were drunk. And they were young.  
"Why does everybody think that we slept together?" House purposely yelled out at one point, when Cuddy was doubling the negative on his request to steal Cameron's patient down at the ER, who apparently 'interested' him.  
Cuddy dragged him into her office, closed the doors, and sat down. "Well, we did, didn't we?" She looked at him sternly. "And it's not my decision if you can have her HIV-inducing patient with CIPA, persuade Cameron yourself. If she thinks he's fine, he's fine."  
"Huh. True.. "House said, obviously replying to Cuddy's former answer, "But why do they_ know_? Chase says that we're too nasty with each other to not have been 'making noise,' so to speak." House retorted, sitting on the chair opposite Cuddy.  
Then suddenly he gave her a very shocked look. "Oh, Cuddy, you bad girl. You told wombat our story?"  
"No, I didn't. But hey, if that's what they want to believe in, I don't mind. It's true." She said, not seeming to care and started rummaging on her drawers.  
"Fine. " House said, giving up. "I'll try to get wombat to persuade Cameron, they are _together_. Or maybe Thirteen, maybe she can put the bisexual moves on her." He stood up to getting ready to leave, and started laughing at what he just had said.  
Does God really exist? Will he accept one miracle from an atheist?  
He snapped back into reality, stops, and observes Cuddy, looking at paperwork.  
"I like that red on you." House said, pointing his cane at her.  
Cuddy looked at him and smiled. He walked away.

**5. Cuddy likes red.**

The woman likes red. Red lipstick, red clothes, red shoes, red nails.. so he had to ask.  
"Cuddy, why do you like red?"  
"Because.." Cuddy answered as Chase snorted. "I like it. Why do you care?"  
"I don't," House shrugged off. "But you_ like_ red because you_ know_ it looks good on you."  
Cuddy looked at House and shrugged herself. "Well, if that's what you say," she merely said, smiling, and returned to her conversation with Chase and Thirteen.

**7. Cuddy likes shopping.**

Since everyone has been having babies lately, she's been buying baby clothes at Gymboree, Baby Gap, or the Children's Place, instead of buying thongs at Victoria's Secret.  
She would come in everyday with at least three tiny bags labeled with any one of those stores listed.  
"CUDDY, it's a hospital, not a baby shower. But if you try those clothes on, I want to watch."  
"Chill, House. These clothes can't even fit your penis," Cuddy told him behind her as they both walked to the elevator.  
"Burned," Chase said, passing by with Kutner and Foreman, with coffee in their hands.  
"Oh, that's a compliment, wombat. I'll ask all the women you've slept with in this hospital to prove that these don't fit yours!" House said as he grabbed the Baby Gap bag from Cuddy's hands, holding it up for the walking three to see.  
The three just looked back at House, smirked, and went out of sight at the cafeteria.  
"Stop shopping Cuds Bud, you wouldn't want to waste it." The elevator doors opened.  
"On what?" Cuddy asked, as she stepped in.  
"Victoria's Secret. Your thong collection could very well be compared to a signed Babe Ruth baseball."  
"I can't stop shopping. Nurse Brenda just had her baby, and she's adorable! And she's in NICU, the poor thing, so –"  
House stepped out of the elevator. Baby talk wasn't what he wanted now. Shopping for double D-cups were.

**8. Cuddy bought everyone expensive stuff for their birthdays.  
** When he first hired Chase, his birthday was the month after that. Cuddy got him an Omega Watch.  
When Cameron turned 25, she gave her a Jill..something bag. It looked like throw-up. And yet, Cameron and Cuddy both liked the plum color. Kutner got a game he wanted, Taub she gave a gift card, Thirteen she got a necklace, and Foreman she gave a tie, when he turned 34, because it 'was traditional'.  
House had never heard of that tradition. Was it for Jewish people, or what?  
For Cuddy's birthday, everyone always gave Cuddy something special, a gesture to show that they appreciated her gesture on them.  
But House always gave her a flower. An x number of Roses that counted her age. Rose was her middle name, after all. He would always add an extra one though, or take away one, to joke that she looked 'older' or 'younger' that day.  
And yet she always kissed him on the cheek when it was her birthday, no matter what foolish joke he's made that day.**  
**

**9. Cuddy's close friend is his ex-girlfriend.**

Stacey and Cuddy were good friends.  
House no likey that.  
Thank God Stacey didn't work here anymore. His wrist would need to be amputated.  
"Hey, Cuddy, where's Stacey at?" House asked her one day, when he was bored with his team. Having nothing to do. Again.  
"House, annoy someone else. Go do clinic duty." Cuddy said, signing what seems to be 4000 more papers.  
"Already tried. Old Man and Adopted Boy making extra money down at the ER. Bisexual is somewhere with Black Dude."  
"Then go bother you're old team."  
"Why should I? They're probably making out in the cafeteria right now. Why interrupt?" House darkly said, examining his cane carefully.  
"Fine. What do you want," Cuddy said, more of a statement than a question.  
"Did you like Stacey?" House asked her, apparently now interested In the smoothness of his cane.  
He finally got Cuddy's attention. She was looking at him.  
"Of. Course I did," She said. "And I still do. She's my friend."  
House considered this, and wanted a strategy to make her answer fast. "Well, would you pick her over a cupcake that I made for you especially, mommy?"  
Cuddy was laughing. "I'll honestly answer you. I haven't seen her in a while. But to make you happy as well, then of course not."  
House liked her answer.  
Cuddy knew that he got the answer he wanted from her. "Now go scoot, down to the ER. Nurse shortage," she told him mildly, and this time, he didn't argue with.**  
**

**  
10. Cuddy is a good kisser.**_**  
**_

House never planned on kissing her. His main priorities for the day were to stare at her ass and smack it.  
The day he kissed Cuddy was the day he knew that Stacey was a page ripped out of his own book.**  
**"You know.." House whispered to Cuddy, cornering her in the small, dark room. "I couldn't forget about that kiss. No matter how hard I've tried to forget about it. And I feel weak," he added, trying to inhale oxygen in the seemingly CO2 filled room, "because it's only been nearly a month."  
Cuddy didn't seem like she could breathe. The only words that she could make out were, "You're a good kisser."  
"So are you."  
"Are you going to kiss me now?"  
"Maybe."  
"Maybe? So why are we here in the janitors closet, cornered into the .. corner," she felt awkward saying it, as her brain couldn't function to find better vocabulary; he was like frosting to her.  
"Because, " he simply said. "I want to kiss you."  
"But you aren't," she said now more confidently, "And I have more matters to handle with, I have a meeting in the-"  
House cut her off. He was kissing her passionately.  
"Cancel the meeting."  
Cuddy was out of breathe. "I can't, what would I tell them?" She choked out.  
"Tell them that you're a good kisser."

**11. Cuddy's name is Lisa, how perfect.**

**  
** In the fifth grade, House remembered having to draw a family of four for his art class, and he had to name the family, making their own little fairytale story.  
The parents had three kids, and the middle and only female in the children he named Lisa.  
In his story, he remembered Lisa being the prettiest, and the most popular in her class. She was always nice and smart and caring. Lisa would wind up being a boss for a huge company one day, and she would marry a man who was right for her.  
His mother kept that picture. House was drew very well.  
He went back home to locate the picture. It's stashed in his side table drawer somewhere.

**  
12. Cuddy's shoes are so effing annoying.**

**  
**_ Click, Clank,_were noises that usually meant 'Cuddy's coming'.  
His old team wouldn't be fearful about it. But his new team was.  
Because nowadays, it meant that House did something to annoy Cuddy.  
"CUDDY?!" House sarcastically and shockingly said when he heard the clanking noise coming closer, standing in front of his sitting team. "ARE YOU SURE THAT'S NOT A VICTORIA'S SECRET MODEL WALKING DOWN THE ICY RUNWAY?"  
Kutner and Thirteen used their hands to cover their ears.  
The door opened. And yep, it was Cuddy.  
"Oh, god, Cuddy, thank God it was you. We weren't sure if you heard it or not, but I was pretty sure that Heidi Klum was going to barge in and ask me to help her do liposuction without having to suck out fat," House said out-of-breathly.  
"Well, you're lucky it's not Heidi Klum, but you just missed Clinic duty. Again," Cuddy said, slamming down a chart on the table. "You need to make up your hours, House. I will see to it that you don't use any of your team to make it up for you," she told him angrily. Then she smiled at the team sitting down and walked out.  
"Gosh lord, I think that the next plan for her should be menopause instead of fertilization."

**13. Cuddy wears so much makeup.**

And she didn't need it. Okay, she didn't wear as much as say.. a circus clown, But she wore some, and she really didn't need it. She was.. naturally pretty.. without makeup.  
"Cuddy," he told her when a Benefit was held to celebrate the Pediatric department. "Stop with the makeup."  
Cuddy refused to lose the battle that was just getting started and rolled her eyes at Foreman. "House, take off that hideous mask you're wearing. It really damages my iris, you know that? "  
"Ouch," Foreman said, nodding his head.  
"Double that," House agreed, quickly holding his arm as if he was just burnt. "Well, I will just let you know that I like you're dress because it shapes your ass perfectly , but _no, sex is out of the question tonight_. " House said the last few words loudly enough for the nearest tables and stand by-ers to hear.  
Thirteen and Cameron, standing nearby, rolled their eyes at House and continued the conversation in their own circle.  
Foreman, sensing that it was going to take long, gave Cuddy a sympathetic look and went on to join Chase and his colleagues.  
"Are you purposely trying to embarrass me, House?" Cuddy hissed at him as he came closer.  
"No, I'm trying to tell you that you look beautiful tonight." House stated. "You're dress is red."  
Cuddy looked incredulously at him. "I know," she said. "And, you look handsome yourself."  
"Why, thank you Princess Peach in Red," House said, bowing down like a British butler, then grabbed wine from the waiter and chugging it down fast. "Excuse me while I take a leak for a few minutes." And he walked his way to the men's room.  
Cuddy smiled herself to sleep that night. House knew it.

**  
14. Cuddy has curly hair.**

She has pretty curly dark hair. House wondered what it would be like to take a handful of her hair. Would it feel coarse, or soft? House didn't know.  
"She has pretty hair." Wilson said when Cuddy closed his office door.  
House, sitting in front of Wilson's desk, felt slightly jealous.  
"So. Cameron's hair looks the same."  
"Cameron has auburn hair.?" He said, trying to wonder in his head what color it was. He shook his head, probably deciding that he couldn't describe its color. "Well, it looks nothing alike. Cuddy has straight hair, Cameron has wavy hair. And her hair is lighter."  
"Cuddy has curly hair, you stupid Jew."  
"It's straight today," Wilson shrugged off, slapping House's hand when he tried to take candy from the candy jar.  
"Well, her hair is naturally curly."  
"Her eyes are blue."  
"I know." House said.

**15. Cuddy plays with a hair tie all the time when she's nervous.**

House had noticed that when she was around sick babies (seriously) she would play with her hair tie, using both point fingers to draw seemingly imaginary circles. House would find himself engaged with her little habit. When she stood watching the blood transfusion of a 5 year old boy, she would look at the operation, then walk around and play with her hair tie.  
"Cuddy," House said calmly.  
She looked at him. She stopped making the circles.  
House didn't know what to make of it. Why was she attached to this kid? Was it because his parents were a staff in the hospital? His father was right there, making sure that his own child was safe. He would be fine.  
"I.. I don't know. They're worried, a lot, and I wonder, If I had a child, if I would worry that much-"  
"You know that nothing wrong would go on here, his own mother isn't even worried, because—"  
And House himself stopped talking. Cuddy was leaning into the glass window, looking down at the operation.  
The head of the surgical team looked up to her for a moment, then went back to giving orders.  
"You know, they were going to name their baby after me. As a middle name. But when they found out that Andre was a boy," she laughed," they didn't, but they said that they were going to once they made a girl, but he's beautiful, isn't he?" Cuddy paused. "Will they make a girl?"  
House wanted to make so many sarcastic comments, but he held himself back. The boy had a younger sister.  
Cuddy was getting old.  
But he didn't dare say that, as she looked as young as ever.  
"You can make your own baby."  
Cuddy snorted. "I've tried. You know that."  
"I can help you," House told her, giving her a hug.


End file.
